As I look back on my life , I realize that everytime I thought I was being rejected from something good , I was actually being redirected to something better . Once you start speaking the truth you can't stop it . Abusive people have unwritten rules . On being unwritten rule is the rule of silence . I know this silence well , it was a part of my life for a long time ago . The victim knows the rules of silence and generally complies with those rules for fear by more abuse or embarrassment by the abuser , which is also abuse . The silencing plan includes spinning the truth to the point of making it seem like everything is the victims fault . This fear keep the victim quiet . It's highly effective .